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KIM BALDWIN. “Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” Erin said
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“Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” Erin said.
“Sure.” As long as you don’t ask me how I feel about you.
“Have you always known you were gay?”
“Pretty much. I tried to ignore it when I was younger. I dated boys the F rst year or two of high school, trying to F t in and be like everybody else. But I knew something was wrong…missing.”
Erin tilted her head in thought. “I haven’t really known anyone who was gay. Or if I did, I didn’t know they were gay.” She poured them both more tea. “But I guess I’m pretty dumb in that regard. I had no idea you were.”
“It’s not something I volunteer right off the bat. I’m pretty private by nature, and I’ve always found it hard to talk about real personal stuff unless I know somebody well.” Gable felt as though a huge weight had been lifted. Erin seemed more curious than disturbed by her revelation.
“Gable, was that nurse at the hospital hitting on you?”
Gable could feel herself blushing. “Yeah, I guess she was.”
“I wondered. I thought so…but then I didn’t think you were gay, so it really seemed kind of odd to me.” She looked at Gable and cocked her head in confusion. “How did she know you were, if I didn’t? She’d barely met you.”
Gable shrugged. “Beats me. Some lesbians have a kind of ‘gaydar’
and can pick out another gay woman a mile away. But that’s sure not the case with me. I’m usually pretty clueless.”
“That’s got to be rough. I mean, not knowing whether someone you’re attracted to…whether they…”
“Play for your team or not?”
“Yeah, something like that.” Erin grinned.
You have no idea. “It’s not easy,” Gable admitted. “Particularly when you’re shy. I’ve always had a problem approaching women I was interested in.”
“So who else knows? Do the guys at the F rehouse?”
Gable shook her head. “Carl guessed, but he’s the only one.
Otherwise, pretty much only family, and friends back in Tennessee. I haven’t told anyone since I moved here.”
“Then I feel especially privileged that you felt you could share it with me,” Erin said. “You know, Gable, I don’t think there’s anything you could tell me that would make any difference in how much I care about you and respect you.”
• 132 •
FORCE OF NATURE
Gable could tell she meant it. “Thanks, Erin.” Thank God.
Just as Carl had predicted, she felt suddenly a lot happier and less anxious. It had been a freeing experience to come out to Erin. One less secret to keep from her. Even though she would have to be even more careful now not to let her feelings show, she was very glad she’d made the decision to tell Erin.
“Ready for some dinner?” Erin asked.
“Sure.” Gable’s stomach had calmed considerably. She was suddenly ravenous.
v
The evening reassured Gable that she had done the right thing.
She and Erin had their usual great time, sharing a bowl of popcorn and exchanging obscure F lm trivia as they watched the movie. Erin was every bit as warm and sweet as she’d been before.
In fact, as they chatted over decaf lattes after the movie, she opened up more to Gable than she ever had. It was as if a barrier between them had gone, and that in revealing the most private parts of herself to Erin, Gable had deepened their level of trust. It seemed this encouraged Erin to expose some of her own innermost feelings.
“Hasn’t it been hard for you?” she asked, setting down her cup and turning sideways on the couch so she could look at Gable. “Not telling anyone here that you’re gay, I mean?”
Gable shrugged. “Sometimes, I guess. I started to tell June—she’s a woman I work with—well, I started to tell her once or twice. And I’ve been tempted a few times to tell some of the guys at the station. But then I start blushing like crazy even thinking about telling them, and I always put it off. I am way too shy, I know. I often wish I was more outgoing, like you are.”
Erin shook her head. “Don’t wish to be like me.” Her expression grew serious. “I’m okay in social situations, I guess because of my teaching background. I can mingle in a crowd just F ne. But it’s an entirely different thing when it comes to one-on-one relationships.” She paused and looked at Gable. “It’s easy with you. ”
She frowned and fell silent, apparently chewing this over.
There was a trace of bemusement in her expression, as if she had just discovered something she barely knew about herself. “Or a lot eas ier,
• 133 •
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